#posts that are part of queue during my break during exam weeks..

[starry-sophrosyne]

king anon your reaction is qually as funny to me as it is to eldette but also bc yall interaction made me think of this tbh- XD /hj /nsrs /silly

I guess Im married now.. yay? What do you say when you get married yahoo or something

¡👑

The way I'm over here just losing it and you are just standing next to me like ":) ?" x3

But tbh, I have no idea at all, just see this as a Level Up for us and our bond or something (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

And yahoo as well! :3

[crittercrossing]

All three dogs are having some health issues at the same time, and Ivy may possibly have something diabetes-ish going on. Almost all of this has happened within the past month, and, in the dogs' case, within the past few weeks. I wanted to post an update sooner, but I genuinely haven't had the time to do it. I work a full-time job and a part-time job, on top of taking care of things at home and traveling a couple times per week to my parents' house to visit them, the dogs, and the chickens. This blog is run almost entirely on queue, but I wanted to stop in and post a text update.

A few weeks ago, I took Dorothea and Ivy for their yearly check-ups. It was technically about a month and a half early, but the day before, they had gotten into a closet they're not supposed to be in and ate into some plastic bags of treats. They had me terrified, thinking they might get blockages from eating plastic, so their check-ups got bumped up so that I could also make sure they would be okay after their adventure. Thankfully, neither one experienced any sort of issues from their plastic-eating. For the most part, all went well, and things were unremarkable. Dorothea was great! Nothing in the slightest going on with her. Ivy, however, is a challenge at the vet. She is extremely aggressive and has to be medicated prior to her visits. Even then, she doesn't fully relax, and vets are very limited with what they can get done with her. She was completely fine, other than some lab work levels that were off, most alarming of which was her glucose, which was pretty extremely high. The vet confirmed my suspicion that, most likely, it was due to the extreme stress she was under during her visit, but said this could technically be due to diabetes, as well. I am to watch Ivy for weight loss, increased urination, and increased thirst. I'm concerned for her health, and also worried about if she is diabetic. I've never had a diabetic pet before, so I would have a lot to learn, in addition to figuring out how to manage that in a cat that can't really be held and can usually not be medicated at all. With Ivy being young, female, and a perfectly healthy weight, I don't really think she's at huge risk for it. My only real worry here is that since their exam last year, Dorothea gained about half a pound, while Ivy's weight remained exactly the same. I'll be keeping a close eye on her.

The poor dogs are all having a bad time right now. I've been worried sick about them. It started with Holly. About a month ago, she began coughing out of nowhere, and it's an extremely bad, nearly constant cough. If she's awake, she's coughing. It's nearly every breath she takes. She went to the vet, where they did x-rays and determined that it wasn't anything visibly wrong with her heart or lungs. Holly does have a heart murmur, but she's had that for a couple years now, and it has not caused coughing issues in the past. She's on medication to treat the cough and an antibiotic. She has finally started coughing less within the past week, so hopefully whatever this cough is is coming to an end.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed Chevelle started showing UTI symptoms again. She had a UTI and a severe case of bladder stones in early 2021, and my immediate fear was that it might be bladder stones again. I took her to work with me (my full-time job is at a vet hospital), and sure enough, she not only had an extremely bad UTI, but... The dog is full of rocks again. The x-rays were horrifying, and I may end up posting them separately later. Monday will be two weeks since that day, and Chevelle is going back for a re-check. She's been on a prescription urinary diet for the past two weeks, with the hopes that, depending on the type of stones she has, the food may start to break them up. If her stones aren't breaking up when we check again on Monday, she'll need a cystotomy again. She had the same surgery in 2021 for her last case. Regardless, she'll be on the prescription diet for the rest of her life. She's been acting fine most of the time. She tries to pee every five minutes or so, and most times passes a little blood. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she still has the UTI come Monday (even though she's been on antibiotics), and I'm fully expecting the surgery to take place.

Katy has been declining for a couple of years now, and it's started happening pretty quickly over this past year. She has a lot of pain, stiffness, and loss of mobility in her legs, especially in her hips. She has also had a bad case of dermatitis on and off for a while. Due to her epilepsy, Katy can't have any chewable flea preventatives, leaving topicals such as Frontline as the only option I knew about for years--and I live in one of the ever-growing areas where Frontline and similar drugs don't kill fleas at all anymore. It's been a struggle to keep fleas off of her. Between fleas and baths trying to kill the fleas, it started messing with her skin. The biggest issue has been a recent, very sudden increase in the frequency of her seizures. She used to have about one a year, sometimes two. Over the past month, Katy has had four seizure-like episodes (vet is assuming they're seizures for now), and that's only four that we know of. It's extremely possible she's having more when no one is watching her. She has really unusual symptoms when these happen, so as soon as I found out this was happening, I took her to work with me too to get all this stuff sorted out.

Katy's case is still ongoing, but here's what I know and what's been done so far: She has started a daily regimen of carprofen, which is already showing promising results. A few days after starting it, she was able to stand up on her own and go up short flights of stairs--both things she couldn't do previously. She will remain on this carprofen most likely for the rest of her life. She was also put on an anticonvulsant to hopefully prevent any more of her seizure-like episodes from happening. It's been about a week, but so far, no one has seen her have any more of those strange episodes. Her skin is being managed with a medicated shampoo that she is being bathed twice weekly with, and she finally has a good flea prevention strategy! The vet suggested we try a Seresto flea collar, and it made an immediate difference. I haven't seen a flea on her since she started wearing it. During Katy's exam last week, the vet ran some bloodwork. it came back mostly normal, but her T4 level was really low. Tomorrow, she's going back in for another blood draw to run a second thyroid test--if her levels come back low on this one, she'll be diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism could explain both her sensitive skin and the seizures, and if she has that, she can go on medication to treat that, as well. I'm cautiously optimistic that we can get Katy feeling a lot better again, and I hope that she can spend the rest of her life not being as miserable as she's been lately.

I'll post more updates on everyone as things happen!

[theastrophilearchitect]

I started writing a book.

And I’m mad about it, because I just started this post, brought up a new tab and lost it because I didn’t save my draft.

Anyway. That’s a thing I did. Wow.

As of this moment, this post won’t be going up until April 19th, but I’m starting writing this at 10.30pm on Sunday, February 21st, 2021. I’ve done a lot in the last couple weeks, and I want to have some record of all I’ve accomplished without just letting most of it fade over the next two months.

I’ve always wanted to be an author. From when I was reading under my covers with a torch past bedtime, through the years I wanted to be an artist, through the years I wanted to be a lawyer. It’s always been there - no matter what primary career path I went down, I wanted to be an author. The last few years, I’ve been invested in becoming a biologist, and that dream really took a backseat.

In the start of this lockdown, my mental health went downhill, and some advice my therapist gave me was just to prioritise myself. It sounds simple enough, but, even in my free time, I’d been focusing on schoolwork - revising constantly for exams I’m still not sure are actually happening. (Boris Johnson is apparently making an announcement tomorrow about beginning to ease lockdown, but we’ll see) So, on Saturday, February 6th, I started an attempt to coalesce the ideas I had floating in my head into something tangible.

I’ve tried to write books countless times (not technically countless - I have all the documents on my laptop, so I could if I wanted to), but mostly, I’ve never gotten further than a couple bare plot points and some characters, maybe some ideas for subplots, before I’ve stagnated and given up.

Three times, I’ve finished a skeletal outline. Twice, I’ve started to go back over those outlines only to realise they made no sense or just seemed week, and simply not cared enough to fix it. Until now, I guess.

February 6th, 7th, and fast-forward to my week off beginning the 15th, up until the 19th, I kept developing this concept I’d managed to form, but I was struggling to establish a coherent plot. I had up until and including a midpoint (which was later condensed into just a first act), but everything after that was just a void. I began searching for some skeletal structure I could apply to it, both to work on pacing and fill in the blanks. I tried several, and got a little further, but was about to give up hope.

Then I remembered a video by Katytastic I’d watched years ago about the 3-act, 9-block, 27-chapter structure she used, and couldn’t see the harm in giving it a go. And something clicked.

You can find the video here - the structure’s detailed and easy to follow, plus she even gives an example of using it to generate a plot.

I started binge-watching her writing vlogs in the background, and even started using her same writing program, Scrivener, which just made every a thousand times easier by taking away the need to juggle a billion Word documents. It’s fairly pricey, but I’m currently using the 30-day free trial - it’s 30 days of use, not of ownership, too: if you use it every day, it lasts 30 days, but if you use it once a week, it lasts 30 weeks.

Where Kat used the 27 parts the structure broke down into as chapters, I chose to refer to them as beats, and separate chapters later.

On Saturday the 20th, I finished defining my scenes and started writing an actual draft. I wrote two scenes, putting me at a collective word count (not including notes, synopses, etc.) of 2,580 words.

This morning, Sunday the 21st, I started over. I hated my opening. I’m not going to go through the mess of today’s process, but I currently have around 80 one-line-outline scenes, split into 3 acts. I wrote a draft of my prologue and detailed-outlined (which I’m mentally referring to as zero-outlining because it’s similar to how Katytastic does what she calls a zero draft, but is very much outlining, not a draft) two and a half other chapters. Scriver also tells me how many words I wrote in total, across notes, character profiles, location lists, a document I’ve named ‘Train of Thought’ for my ramblings as I go etc.

Today, I wrote a grand total of 4,141 words, which, rather counterintuitively, puts me at a draft total of 2,598. That makes sense. Anyway.

There are a lot of unknowns in the world right now, and I have no idea how much time I’ll have in the next six months to invest in this project, but I’d like, at bare minimum, to have one complete draft by the start of the next school year in September, which gives me just over 6 months. Which is probably too much time to actually motivate myself, but that’s not the point.

A manuscript needs to have a minimum word count of 50K words to be considered a novel, so, even though my ultimate goal for this project is around 80K words, 50K is going to be my goal for this draft.

I’m being optimistic about sticking with this.

Tuesday 23/02/2021 - Word Count: 3,099 I wrote nothing yesterday; planning to focus writing solely on days off rather than work days, but last night, watching through the incredibly long queue of Alexa Donne writing videos, I came to the conclusion writing every day, even just a little, would be the best way to ensure I keep working on this, so I set myself a goal of just 500 words a day.

Wednesday 24/02/2021 - Word Count: 5,350 After doing a little bit of maths as to how long this outlining and draft would take me if I were to only write 500 words a day, I decided to boost that goal to 1,000. I got started around 1pm today, online school draining me so much I couldn’t face another two hours. I worked on and off until 6pm, and around 4.45pm, I finished outlining Act One!

Thursday 25/02/2021 - Word Count: 7,022 I continued my scene outlining into Act Two, but I hit a brick wall around the midpoint. I have to write chronologically - some people jump around, but I have to write linearly, or it feels like I’m trying to make something in a void. It just doesn’t work. I didn’t know how to get from one scene to the next - there were so many things I needed to establish to get there, but I didn’t want to backtrack. I decided to re-jig the whole thing, but, after dinner, I realised I didn’t have to, and instead, decided to just start a draft, conscious of the things I need to establish as I go.

Friday 26/02/2021 - Word Count: 8,208 Starting draft one, I rewrote the prologue I’d already written, technically putting me to my second draft of it, because I’d been thinking about it for days and just wanted to revisit it, and it was so much better. Then I moved on to chapter one, but decided I wanted to re-jig my chapters. While outlining, I’d split the whole book into only about twenty chapters, but decided to go for shorter ones for more effective divisions of the story. I got most of the way through the first scene of chapter one, but basically ran out of both time and motivation, since I hadn’t heavily outlined that scene. in total, I wrote over 2000 words today, but because I only increased the prologue word count by about 100 words, it didn’t do that much to the total count.

Saturday 27/02/2021 - Word Count: 11,050 I got some chores done Saturday morning and focused on finishing my book so I could include it in my February wrap-up, but I still had time to get some writing done around mid-day. My goal was just to hit 10K this weekend, but I though I could do it in one day. I wrote about 1,000 words before feeling a little word-drained, but took a break for lunch, got back to it and wrote 2,400 words. Though that only added a little over 2,000 to the word count, it took me to 10K! I’m 20% of the way to being able to call it a novel! We’re in quintuple digits!

And then eight hours later, I wrote another thousand words and got to 11K.

Sunday 28/02/2021 - Word Count: 13,722 I spent most of my Sunday morning writing, though it took me more than two hours to write about 1500 words, though it only added about 1100 to my count. I decided to set myself an overall and weekly deadlines to hold myself accountable. Due to the fact I don’t yet have a clue how many words this will work out as, I decided I wanted to have either a complete first draft or 100K words (which I doubt I’ll reach, but it seems like a good way to make myself finish the draft before my deadline) by the end of April. Which works out to a little under 1500 words a day, or just under 11K a week, which is perfectly doable. Bearing in mind my current word count is including outlines, but I still believe in myself.

I wrote another 1600 words later, which took me to 14K, until I deleted the 300 word outline I wrote for one scene, but I worked out my words per day for the next two months with the assumption of a 10K word count as of March 1st and a target of either a complete draft or 100K words by the end of April, so I’m nearly 4,000 words ahead of schedule. Which gives me 6,606 words to write this week, instead of 10,328. (If you couldn’t tell, I like numbers. They just make sense to me.

Monday 01/03/2021 - Word Count: 15,005 I didn’t quite hit my daily goal, but I was completely leached of motivation today, I’m ahead of schedule anyway and I was only under by less than 200 words. It’s alright. But, hey, we hit 15K! Two days after hitting 10K!

Tuesday 02/03/2021 - Word Count: 21,119 This was an insane writing day. My end-of-day target was only 16,480, and that was still ahead of schedule - if I was sticking to the 100K by April 30th, I’d only actually need to be at 12,950 today. This was the best writing day I’ve ever had. I wrote before school and during breaks, which kept both my writing and working momentum up.

I didn’t read a page of my current read, but I wrote a total of 7,681 words and increased my wordcount by 6,114 words, or literally an additional 40.75%. I hit 20K three days after hitting 10K, and am 42.238% of the way to being able to say I wrote a novel, be it a shitty first draft that won’t be complete at 50K words.

I also finished chapter three, which I’ve been working on for three days and came out ~5,000 words, and wrote chapters four and five in their entirety.

Note to self: this is day 10 of vaguely outline-drafting this project.

Wednesday 03/03/2021 - Word Count: 23,364 I've only written 490 words today, as of writing this update, but I just wanted to make note of the fact I've done some calculations, and can reasonably finish my draft this month. I'm still not completely sure how long it'll work out to be, so I can't quite work out my daily words to finish on the 31st, but if I stick to my current 1,475 words a day, I'll hit 63,894 words by the end of the month, which is a little less than I imagine this draft will be, but if I stick to that as a minimum, my first draft won't have to go into April.

I'd like to post this later this week, but I already have a post for this Friday, so God only knows how long this will be by the time it goes up. So far, I've written 1,900 words today, and I don't think I'm out of fuel yet, but I'm stopping because I need to read today, and I'd rather not burn out. I'm over my goal, anyway.

Oh, also, I'm nearly at 25K, which is halfway to a novel, but I haven't broken into Act Two yet, which means this book will be 75K minimum. I'm going to do some maths and work out how many words a day to hit 80K by March 31st. 2,030. That's doable. So I haven't read, but back to writing for like ten minutes.

I've now hit an additional 2,245 words for the day, though I wrote a total of 2,663

Thursday 04/03/2021 - Word Count: 25,415 I've decided to work out how many words I need to write each day to hit 80K by March 31st, and watch the fluctuations. (I like statistics). It should steadily go down throughout the month if I surpass it each day. Today's minimum word count is 2,023, already seven words less than yesterday's. How exciting.

The last scene of Act One was very heavy on world-building I haven't yet figured out, so I stuck what was meant to happen in brackets and just moved on, meaning I have now broken into Act Two!

I think, during the week, I'm going to focus on just meeting my minimum word count rather than exceeding it, just to save fuel for the weekends, when I can write so many more words.

And, we hit 25K! I'm halfway to a novel!

Friday 05/03/2021 - Word Count: 26,693 In complete honesty, I'm beginning to lose momentum. Maybe it's just today, but I don't really want to write and feel like I need a break, but I'm going to make myself write anyway. I'm going to make myself keep writing until this draft is done, however shitty it may end up. I really hate first drafts.

When you say 2,000 words is only 7-8 pages, it doesn't sound like that much to write per day but my god. Luckily, most of the stuff I've had to save to a Pinterest board called 'Writing Motivation' says if you write when you don't want to, it should pass instead of worsening. I wanted to hit 35K this weekend, but I'm not sure I'll have the momentum. I'll at least hit 31,270, though, which is my minimum goal for this week. I'm still over 700 words off my goal for today, but I'm taking a break because my head is foggy and there's still eight hours left in the day. Besides, 700 after dinner is easy. She says, realising she's probably jinxing it. Oh, well. 80K by March 31st would be difficult, even if I weren't going back to school soon, but that's a stretch goal. 100K by April 31st is my minimum, and I'm 9,000 ahead of where I need to be for that.

I think I’m stagnating because I’ve hit the ‘Fun and Games’ section, which I find really boring. I’m going to try to keep going with it, but I may just skip it and come back later.

Saturday 06/03/2021 - Word Count: 28,150 So, I did not get the extra 700 words in. Before dinner, some stuff I had to deal with came up, and by the time it was done, I just wanted to go to bed, so I did. Today, I'm going to try to make up for it, which I think is reasonable because it is now the weekend. I'm still kinda exhausted this morning, but I'm going to do my best, and my wrist hurts, but I'm not sure why. You'd think it would be from all the typing, but only one wrist hurts - you know what? Never mind. They do both hurt. I'm just not sure why, but it doesn't hurt typing this, so that doesn't make any sense. Anyway, to hit my word count for the day, I need to write 2,555 words, which doesn't sound like too much, but it kinda is because I'm primarily writing Act Two at the minute, and for every thousand words I write, I lose like 400 from my outline. You'd think I'd just not include my scene outlines in the word count, but it's too late for that now.

I'm thinking this over, and I really don't think trying to write 80K by the end of the month is going to be good for either my motivation, mental health, or ability to function back at school, so I'm going to stick to 100K or a finished draft by April 30th, and re-work out my goals from there, based on yesterday's word count, so I'm not making myself do catch-up today.

So, to hit 100K by April 30th, I only need to write 1,309 words each day (which will decrease over time because if that's my minimum now, I'll probably surpass it, decreasing the amount of words left etc.). That's so much less pressure.

God, I really don't want to write today. I just want to watch YouTube and Netflix and read.

Okay, so here's the thing. I've been working on this story straight for three weeks and I'm kinda exhausted of it. I'm not done with it, not at all, and I want to keep working on it because it exists, which makes it workable.

I watched a writing vlog by ShaelinWrites yesterday, and she said she writes different projects at once, alternating in week- or multi-week-long blocks. I think I might try that.

My plan with this post and the following updates was to keep updating it until the day it goes up, the day after which is when I begin drafting the next, but, since I may be switching projects for a while and this is really about the project I've decided to dub 'Bay Tree' (which is just, I guess, a pseudonym for here because while I have no idea what it would eventually be called, I know that's nothing like the title I'd want to give it) so I'd want to start a new post for a new project.

I'm now doing a little outlining instead of actually continuing writing, but I think this will help me, though I'm still not certain about whether or not I'm going to directly continue with this specific project for the minute. Instead of setting daily goals based on a target, I'm also just going to say 1,000 words a day, and see where that takes me.

I've just been outlining into Act Three, and I've met a major plot stumble, but I'm going to work that out and explain what I'm doing in my next writing update.

So, go drink some water, eat if you haven't eaten in the last few hours, stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are and how much happiness you deserve, and, if you want to write a book, stop thinking about it, and go write.

[winterromanov]

we will grow taller together - bucky x reader

PART ONE - THE GENTLE HUM OF EXISTENTIAL DREAD

parts: zero

Pairing: bucky barnes x reader

Extract: “No. No, what I’m saying is, he needs—they both need—someone. He needs someone to help look after Clover while they both get their lives back on track.” Steve pauses, looking you straight in the eyes. “Someone like you.”

Genre: romance, nanny x single father!AU

Taglist: @blindedbyyourgrace17 @verygraphicink @igotkatiepowers @welcome-to-my-studylife (taglist still open, reply/message to be tagged)

PART ONE

“Next please!”

The queue shuffles along until your face-to-face with yet another tired-looking college student, purple eye-bags visible underneath a pair of circular rimmed glasses. It’s fall dead week and if most of your customers are anything to go by, it certainly lives up to its name. Every single one of the tables spread out on the main floor of Vormir Coffee has been crammed with sleep-deprived teenagers and textbooks, meaning you and your colleagues have been swept off your feet with orders for caffeine products refills. You expect the rush to continue over the next few days as revision turns into actual mid-terms—as is tradition, you’ll be offering free chocolate muffins throughout the week by the door, because nothing heals the pain of a shitty Econ paper like chocolate muffins do.

Yet…as you look in the near-dead, distant eyes of your latest customer, you feel a pang of jealousy deep within your chest. While you’re pouring coffee into refillable mugs and forcing your best service smile (which is a difficult feat nine hours in to a ten hour shift) they’re reading and learning and absorbing.

You miss learning. God, you miss learning, even the terrible impossible chaos of one exam after another and deadlines piling up around you like sandbags. But being, y’know, poor, means there’s not much you can do about your grad school dreams, even if you do spend your free hours searching the internet for outlandish scholarships and funding schemes.

So. For now, it’s coffee. Potentially forever if you want to continue to eat and have electricity, which is just about all you can afford right now. And the occasional lipstick if you’re feeling particularly extravagant.

“What can I get you?” you ask the student, whose scruffy brown hair doesn’t look like it’s been washed in a few days. Oh well. Desperate times require desperate measures. At least you’re not his roommate. He grunts for an inevitable espresso and fishes round his wallet for some spare dollars while you get to work. Moments later you offer him the finished product and he drops the exact change into your hand, skulking away to a table without another word. Well, you’ll forgive a lack of manners during one of the most surreal weeks in the academic year.

“Hey, (Y/N).”

On the announcement of your name your glance flicks back to the remainders of the gradually quietening queue, and your face subconsciously breaks out into a grin when you finally see a customer that doesn’t look like a vacant zombie.

Steve Rogers grins back at you. He’s wearing a beanie over his blonde hair and a warm winter jacket—the temperature was freezing when you practically slid from the subway to work this morning and as the day slowly eclipses into evening, the temperature is falling back down with it. His cheeks are flushed from coming into the warm.

“Hey Steve!” you greet him cheerfully, because seeing an old friend is the perfect way to end a tiring shift. “How are you? How’s Natasha?”

Steve dips his head bashfully, like he always does when he’s asked about himself or his girlfriend. “We’re both great, thanks. What about you? It’s been a while.”

You gesture around you as an answer. Taking all the shifts you possibly can means you probably spend more time in Vormir than your own apartment. From what you can recall Steve has been back in the States for a few weeks after his most recent tour of Afghanistan; him or Natasha keep dropping you invites here and there, but you’ve been working or too dog-tired to accept them. It kind of makes you sad, as you watch your social circle shrink, but being an adult is the worst and staying alive is reasonably important to you.

“That bad, huh?” Steve asks sympathetically. You nod back, dramatically rolling your eyes.

“That bad. Always that bad, Rogers. I’m a slave to consumerism, but don’t let my boss know that.”

Steve laughs, leaning onto the counter. “I actually… (Y/N), when do you finish up here? Do you want get a drink? I’ve just got something I wanted to run by you.”

You narrow your eyes with curiosity. The clock that ticks mercilessly above the door reads six forty-two, so you’ve got less than twenty minutes left of your shift, and the look on Steve’s face is too intriguing to turn down just so you can rush home, open a bottle of cheap white wine and watch Stranger Things on Netflix. Even if you are up to the season three finale.

“I clock off at seven,” you reveal, but you nudge your head in the direction of the remaining customers who are starting to get annoyed at the hold-up. “Grab a seat. I actually have to do my job for a while longer and I’d rather not get fired because you’re distracting me.”

Steve holds his hands up in mock surrender and slowly backs away from the counter, allowing your next customer to slide into his position. You watch as he drops into a two-seater by the window, scrolling through his iPhone, a muted grin tugging at his lips.

-

Steve’s favourite bar is a short walk across town, the kind that is warm and dark and a little bit retro. You’ve been to Endgame before with him and Natasha, and you’d all split quarters so you could play ABBA songs on the Jukebox by the entrance. Right now it’s playing Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac, so it seems today’s patrons have taste.

You grab one of the more private booths through the back while he gets the drinks. You’ve not seen your phone since your lunch break so you take the spare seconds to scroll through your social media—less than an hour ago Natasha’s posted a photo to Instagram, both her and Steve making stupid faces in the living room of the apartment they share. It’s captioned who do I have to kill to make sure you’re not deployed again?

Your heart melts a little. Steve and Nat. Nat and Steve. Two people who have been together for longer than you’ve known them, and they just work so fucking well, two halves of the same coin and all that. Your thumb hovers over the like button for a moment before clicking it, because you’ve never had someone in your life like that. You’ve not found the other half of your coin.

Most days you’re too exhausted to really think about it. But sometimes…something will click in the back of your brain and it dawns on you like an avalanche that this might be your life forever. You’ll be serving coffee forever. You’ll be on your own forever.

Fortunately Steve slides into the seat opposite before you can go into a full-on existential crisis, but you sure as hell know that’s what will inevitably cross your mind when you’re stuck staring at the cracked ceiling of your apartment in bed tonight.

Steve’s smile is concerned as he pushes a desperado in your direction. “You look troubled.”

“When am I not?” you say with a shrug, taking a sip of your drink. The alcohol burns in your empty stomach. You haven’t eaten since lunch—maybe liquor isn’t the best idea, after all. “Anyway. As much as I love seeing you, Rogers, this isn’t just a friendly drop-by is it?”

Steve is drinking some generic American beer. He wipes his lip before speaking. “Yeah. Like I said. There was something I thought I’d run by you.”

“Ominous.” You wiggle your eyebrows. “Are you going to spend the next half an hour or so pushing a pyramid scheme you swear isn’t a pyramid scheme? Because I really didn’t think that was your style.”

“No. Not a pyramid scheme.” He shakes his head in mild disbelief, probably wondering why he’s still friends with you. “It’s more…do you remember my friend? James?” When you look back blankly, he elaborates. “Bucky. Guy I used to go to school with. Dark hair. Lost his arm in Afghan about a decade ago…”

“Oh! Oh. Bucky Barnes. James Barnes.” You feel kind of bad that the arm was what made it click, but you do remember a quiet, well-mannered guy standing in the background of a few of Steve and/or Nat’s social events over the last few years. You’ve never been formally introduced but Steve talks about him every so often, just casual mentions in conversation, nothing detailed. They’d grown up together, trained together, but their career paths parted after Bucky’s car nicked an IED on the outskirts of Kabul. Truly horrifying. “Yeah. Sure. I remember him. What about him?”

Steve grimaces. “Well, it’s a bit…complex, to explain, so I’ll just go straight into it. About seven years ago he met a girl, she got pregnant, they had a daughter.”

“Oh! I never knew he had any kids.”

“Yeah. Clover. She’s six now. Way too smart for her age, really mischievous—doing crazy things like sending vegetables in the post to the grandparents she doesn’t like and reading fucking Frankenstein. Big Mary Shelley fan, to Buck’s sheer delight. Awesome kid.”

You smirk, not sure what any of this has to do with you, but little Clover sounds exactly how you were at her age. “She does sound pretty awesome.”

“But Connie, her mom…she passed away just over a year ago in a really awful car wreck.” Steve’s face falls into a look of heartbreak, empathetic as always. “Her and Bucky haven’t been together for years but they shared custody of Clove, Connie having her a lot of the time.”

You feel something shift in your chest, like shards of glass are pressing in between your ribs. Real loss stories have always been pretty hard for you to digest, regardless of who they belong to. You think about death a lot in, like, an abstract and unreachable kind of way. You think it gives you size, an awareness of your place in the world, the universe. But that’s your own death. You’re kind of comfortable with that one day you will cease to exist. It’s just the people that you care about you fear for. And everybody cares about somebody.

“God, that’s awful, Steve,” you murmur, eyes softening. “Is he looking after her on his own now?”

Steve nods, biting his lip. “Yeah. And he’s not doing too great, (Y/N). It’s not my place to go into details about what goes on in his head, but nobody gets over the trauma he went through and goes back to before. And the loss of Connie and suddenly becoming Clover’s only parent, and her trauma, as well as trying to hold down a full-time job…like Jesus, I’m surprised he can even get up in the morning. Sometimes he doesn’t.”

You ache for Steve’s oldest friend as is only natural, but you’re still at a loss as to where this involves you. You rest your chin in your hands, looking at Steve intently. “It sounds like he’s going through a tough time. I’m really sorry. But is this…any of my business? Because you can always confide in me about things that are on your mind, but this sounds really personal.”

“No. No, what I’m saying is, he needs—they both need—someone. He needs someone to help look after Clover while they both get their lives back on track.” Steve pauses, looking you straight in the eyes. “Someone like you.”

The laugh that erupts from your chest is involuntary, but Steve’s expression is still completely serious. Is he really suggesting what you think he’s suggesting? “What? You’re asking me to be a nanny?”

“I suppose you could call it that.” When you stare at him with disbelief, he rolls his shoulders. “(Y/N). Why is this such an eccentric idea? You hate your job. Buck has a spare room at his place which, no offense, is way nicer than your apartment. You’re great with kids, you’re funny, you’re smart…and you’ve already said you think Clover sounds like an awesome kid. You two would get on great.”

“That’s all irrelevant considering a, I’m not a nanny and have no experience looking after a child in that close and intense an environment. And b, Steve, this is an eccentric idea. Other than the scraps you’ve given me I know absolutely nothing about James, and what the hell does he know about me?” When Steve’s face looks a little guilty, you roll your eyes. “Oh my god. Steve. James hasn’t even said he wants a nanny has he? He doesn’t even know you’re asking me this.”

“This would be so good for him,” Steve half-pleads, puppy dog eyes engaged, “He’s fussy about strangers and Clover, but he knows you through me. He’ll trust my judgement.”

“Steve. You can’t just go making decisions like that! This is insane.”

(Steve has a habit of thinking he knows what’s best, for himself or other people, and rampaging down that path in the pursuit of a happy ending. Sometimes people don’t need his version of a happy ending.)

Steve eventually relents, relaxing back in his seat. He’s forgotten you’re not usually one for blindly going along with one of his Heroic Schemes, preferring a more idealistic approach. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll discuss it with him first. But I think you should come along when I do that.”

“Steve.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, but I think you should meet them both properly. You could be a good friend to him either way. It wouldn’t hurt, (Y/N). Maybe it would be good for you too.”

God, you’re way too done for this shit, your legs aching from a day of being constantly on your feet and dead inside from getting up at six this morning. Steve is not the kind of guy to give up on something he’s clearly passionate about in his quest for the greater good, and this point it is just easier to agree to his requests. Even though his idea is way too bizarre for anyone normal to actually accept.

Being a live-in nanny for a guy you barely know and his daughter, both of whom have just lost someone extremely significant in their lives? And him being totally unaware that his best friend is proposing a job he has no authority to give? Yeah, fuck that.

Steve is right about one thing, though. You do really, really hate your horrible job.

When you reluctantly nod, and Steve grins, you jab a finger in his direction. “Like you said. It means nothing. This is weird as hell, but you’re super annoying when you don’t get your own way, and I’m totally allowing you to receive all the backlash when it backfires.”

“I think I can deal with that.” He gestures at your empty bottle. “Want another drink?”

The alcohol has made your body a little lighter, but your stomach growls loudly in argument. Instead, you clamp your hands on the table. “No, but you can buy me a pizza. It’s the least you can do for me, weirdo.”

Steve raises an eyebrow, used to your directness. “Pizza it is, then.”

Okay, so maybe Steve Rogers is the most annoying person in the world, and maybe his aggressive selflessness in the hope of doing right for his friends will eventually be his downfall, but he’s usually a pretty nice guy. You sometimes forget that you’re lucky to have him.

[abundanceofsoph]

SkyFire 1: Chapter 15

Rori in Manchester: May 2014 

Word count: 2.3k

SkyFire 1 MASTERLIST

>Instagram posts 

◊Harry: good luck with your final exam this afternoon. I know you’re gonna crush it, love. H

Aurora smirked at her phone as she read Harry’s text. She had actually finished her exams two days ago but had told Harry that she had one more today which is why she couldn’t make it back to the UK in time for the bands Manchester shows. He’d floated the idea months earlier, wanting her to meet his mum, stepfather and his sister. When she’d told him that her exams didn’t finish in time for her to make it to the show, they had made a new plan for his family to travel down to London for the shows the following week and Aurora would fly in to meet them before joining the band on the European leg of the tour. Unbeknown to Harry, Aurora was currently at the airport, waiting for the StarkJet to depart for Manchester airport. She would arrive on the day of the first of two shows in Harry’s home city and she was excited to surprise her boyfriend and finally meet his family.

Once the jet finally touched down at the airport, Aurora took a cab to the stadium. Before she climbed out of the cab, she quickly pulled her long dark hair back in 2 braids, covering her eyes with a large pair of sunglasses and tugging a baseball cap down low over her brow. She joined the queue forming outside the venue, chatting with some of the fans already in line, smirking when none of them realised who she was at first.

Eventually a few of those standing closest to her in the line recognised her but she shushed them and swore them to secrecy. “I just want to experience the show like any other fan,” she told them. “If you want, we can take some selfies together, but could you wait until tomorrow to post them?” They’d agreed and she had enjoyed spending the majority of the day chatting away with them while they waited. When the doors finally opened, Aurora ran with her new friends into the venue, staking out their position against the barricade next to the catwalk section of the stage about halfway along. Once the lights dimmed for the start of the show, Rori finally took off her baseball cap and pulled her hair out of the braids, combing her fingers through them and tossing her hair back over her shoulders.

Aurora was euphoric as she felt the energy of the crowd surrounding her and the music blasting from the speakers. The entire stadium felt electrified and she felt a grin splitting her face apart as she screamed along to the song. In that moment she felt as if she had been transported back in time, she was suddenly the 15 year old standing in the crowd of the X Factor live tour with her best friend and their mums, screaming along to the same 5 boys, only now she was 19 and it was no longer Liam that held her attention. She hadn’t been able to look away from Harry since the moment he’d stepped out on stage and her heart soared to see the pure joy on his face as he danced across the stage with his 4 best friends, his brothers, singing his heart out to the sold out Manchester crowd.

As the final notes of Rock Me played out she took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair to push it back out of her face as sweat beaded across her body from the dancing and the swelling crowd surrounding her. She was leaning against the barrier and looked up with a goofy grin, watching Harry and the other boys walking back towards where she was standing as Niall spoke to the screaming girls about the upcoming song. By some stroke of luck, as Harry took a seat on the central apparatus built into the stage he looked out over the crowd and spotted her standing only a few metres in front of him, freezing in place in shock as their eyes locked. The girls around her started screaming hysterically in response to his stare and she shot him a cheeky grin and a little wave that caused a huge grin to break out across his face, exposing his dimples. ‘What are you doing here?’ he mouthed, to which she replied by shouting back a joyful, “Surprise!”

He shook his head in bafflement, blowing her a kiss as the music began to swell and Liam sang the first lines of Don’t Forget Where You Belong. His eyes kept returning to hers as the song continued and every time he saw her singing back at him, his smile grew impossibly bigger. At the end of the song they once again locked eyes and he mouthed the words ‘I love you’.

The concert continued on with Rori having an incredible time, letting herself pretend she was just another fan in the crowd, screaming along to her favourite songs, but every so often when he passed by her section of the crowd, Harry’s smile would grow and he would throw a wink or blow a kiss in her direction, causing those around her to meltdown and swoon at their idol. Half a dozen songs after he first spotted her, all 5 boys returned to the raised section of staging and Harry sat himself down directly in front of her, with Niall sitting to his left with his guitar. The young couple locked eyes as Zayn sang the opening lines of Little Things. Aurora’s eyes grew damp with unshed tears while Harry sang out, “You’re perfect to me,” as he stared into her eyes and the tears spilled down her cheeks as she sang back along with him, “I’m in love with you and all these little things.”

It was much later in the concert, towards the end, when things changed. The smiles, winks and kisses that Harry had been directing towards his girlfriend all night had the fans surrounding her riled up into such a frenzy that during Story of My Life they all began to push forwards towards the stage, causing those against the barriers to become crushed against the metal. Louis noticed the problem moments before the nearest security guard, immediately signalling to the band to cut the music and drawing the security teams’ attention. “Is everyone alright down there?” he asked, his accent thickening with his concern for the fans. The other boys turned towards Louis trying to catch up to what was happening, and the moment Harry noticed that Louis was standing in front of Aurora’s section of the crowd he sprinted across the stage towards her, panic clear on his face. By the time he reached Louis’ side, the security guards had already managed to pull several of the girls over the barriers and Louis was instructing the fans behind to calm down and stop pressing forward. Rori quickly joined the few fans standing between the barriers and the stage and as soon as she was out of the crush she looked up to find Harry crouching down on the side of the stage in an attempt to get closer to her without leaving the stage and causing a bigger crush from the crowd. “Are you alright?” he yelled in concern, visibly relaxing when she nodded and smiled reassuringly back. He stayed kneeling at the edge of the stage until the situation had been sorted and just before Rori was ushered away to a different part of the crowd, Harry signalled to the guard by her side to wait. By the time he jumped down from the stage, a camera had already been tracking the situation and a large percentage of the crowd was already aware that the girl with the black hair was in fact Aurora Stark, so when Harry swept her into his arms the crowd around them erupted into screams with the confirmation of the rumours that the two were dating. He turned to the waiting guard as they pulled apart, insisting that he make sure she was taken backstage to watch the remainder of the show in safety before he quickly climbed back on to the stage.

After the show, Harry rushed to his girlfriend's side, pulling Aurora into a hug and spinning her around as soon as he reached her. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he yelled excitedly. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you for another week.”

“Surprise,” she giggled, gripping his face in her hands and kissing him deeply. “I missed you.”

“God, I missed you,” Harry sighed. “OMG are you ok?” he gasped suddenly remembering the crush in the crowd.

“I’m fine,” Rori assured him. “Although I feel bad about the rest of the fans that caught up in it all though. It was kind of stupid, now that I think about it.���

“But very romantic,” Harry said. “Everyone’s allowed to make mistakes. I’ll check with security in a minute and make sure everyone’s ok.”

“The secrets out about us now I guess,” she murmured. “Sorry.”

“Never apologize,” Harry replied. “This was a wonderful surprise and we were going to announce it next week anyway so who cares. I’m just glad you’re here.”

xXx

Aurora’s knee bounced nervously as the van pulled up out the front of Harry’s family home. He reached across to place a comforting hand on her thigh, stilling the anxious movement. “Just be yourself,” he whispered in her ear as the other boys climbed out of the van. “They’ll love you; I promise.”

The couple climbed out of the car, joining the other 4 boys as they walked towards the front door of the house. Harry squeezed his girlfriends’ hand in his while Liam knocked on the door. Anne threw open the door with a wide smile, welcoming the boys into her home. Harry bounded forward, sweeping his mother into a bruising hug. “So good to have you home, love,” she murmured into her sons’ curls.

“Brought someone to meet you,” he said, pulling back from the hug and Anne’s eyes widen as he reached back, taking Aurora’s hand and pulling her to his side.

“Aurora. I thought we wouldn’t be seeing you until next week in London,” Anne said in surprise before hugging the young woman warmly. “It’s so lovely to have you here. Come on in.”

Harry threw a smirk towards his girlfriend, his expression clearly saying, ‘I told you so’. She rolled her eyes in response, following Anne into the front sitting room where the rest of the band was already crowded onto the sofas with Gemma and Robin joining them.

“How about I chuck the kettle on?” Anne asked the room. “Who wants a cuppa?”

“I’ll come give you a hand,” Rori offered, earning her a smile from Harry. He kissed her cheek before heading over to hug his stepfather and then throwing himself onto the sofa beside his sister. Rori followed Anne into the kitchen and watched as the older woman filled the kettle under the tap and then put in on to boil. 

“I take it you surprised Harry by flying in a week early?” Anne asked once she turned away from her task. “I’m sure he was thrilled.”

“He was,” Rori said with a smile. “I couldn’t wait to get here.”

“I’m glad you are. He’s told me a lot about you. Hasn’t shut up about you really.”

Rori’s eyes widened and Anne chuckled. “I’m sure you already know this but he’s quite fond of you, love. You’ve made quite the impression.”

“I’m pretty fond of him too,” Rori admitted. “You raised an incredible man.” 

“Thank you but trust me, he made it easy for me.”

“I was nervous to meet you,” Aurora admitted with a small chuckle. “I should have known you’d be so welcoming.”

“From everything Harry’s told us, I knew that you’d be a wonderful woman,” Anne said. “We’re excited to have you join the family.”

“Thought I’d come make sure everyone was playing nicely together,” Harry interrupted with a cheeky grin. He crossed the kitchen quickly, stopping behind Aurora and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. 

“I was just about to tell Aurora here all of your most embarrassing childhood moments,” Anne told her son, laughing loudly when he replied with a groan and hid his face in Aurora’s shoulder.

“Not to mention all the baby photos I need to see,” Rori joked, grinning widely at Anne as Harry complained about bullying.

They stayed at the Twist house for the rest of the afternoon before the boys headed back to the city for soundcheck and preshow preparations. Aurora stayed behind after Anne and Robin offered to give her lift when they headed in for the show later in the day. Despite only having spent a few hours with Anne, Robin and Gemma, Aurora found herself fitting into the family dynamic easily. She hadn’t realised how starved she had been for a maternal figure in her life until Anne had welcomed her with open arms. Her own mother had only been gone for 3 and a half years, and while no one would ever replace Louise, Aurora found herself comforted by Anne’s presence.

When they arrived at the arena that evening, they were escorted backstage and found the boys in the green room. Harry was quickly at her side as soon as they entered, his dimples flashing. “How was the rest of your afternoon, love?” he murmured in her ear, wrapping his arms tightly around her torso.

“It was great,” she said. “I love your family.”

“Knew you would,” he replied.

Unlike the previous night’s show, Aurora watched the second show from the side of stage with the rest of Harry’s family, dancing with Gemma to their favourite tracks. Following the show, Harry and Aurora headed back to the hotel with the rest of the boys and in the morning Rori joined the band as they travelled north for a midweek show in Edinburgh before heading to London for 3 shows at Wembley.

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[patriciahaefeli]

A Cautionary Tale? A Love Story? You Decide

It's been one of those rollercoaster weeks, one that began with a great deal of pain, which I tried to ignore at first, so as not to ruin my 17- year old’s already Corona-compromised birthday party. At some point during our 5 p.m. family Zoom celebration, I quietly left the room and went upstairs to lie down, writhe in pain, get back up, bend over, moan, repeat. This continued through the night Monday – and at one point, I remember thinking that labor wasn’t this bad and that I should probably go to the emergency room. In this new world we’re in, that thought was quickly dismissed by one word: COVID. I paced the floor at 3 a.m., alternately moaning and then bopping my head and sort of softly singing what kept running through my head, which was the chorus of The Knack’s 1979 hit song, “My Sharona.” Only my version went “My Corona.” Yes, even while suffering, I’m clever that way. 

By Tuesday morning the pain had subsided. I was exhausted however, and slept throughout the day. “Tricia! Drink this! Jesus, she’s burning up.” It was the alarm in my husband’s voice that I responded to more than the command. I sat up, drank the water he was holding out to me, and when I caught my reflection in the mirror over the dresser I had the brief, feverously detached impression of someone who’d sat under a sun lamp for too long. Sun lamp, the words made me almost giggle out loud. Sun-lamp, sun-lamp, sun-lamp…Does anyone even know what that is anymore? A few hours later I had a virtual appointment with my regular GP, during which the decision was made for me to go to the office first thing Wednesday for a full exam. My instructions (my fever-addled brain again added the words “should I choose to accept them” - hehehe), for entering the building would come in the form a text. 

My office exam was efficient and thorough. Upon arrival, I called the office and someone met me at a side door. As we were both masked and gloved, we nodded and murmured muffled greetings. Two PAs and an MD palpated my tender abdomen while I stifled screams. They decided that I should have a C-T scan that day, with the expectation that the offending culprit was a kidney stone. As many radiology facilities are currently closed, it took a few hours for them to locate one that would take me. My scan took place at 4:30. I was the last patient of their day. 

 Fast forward to 6:30 p.m. Wednesday evening. I picked up the call, which was remarkable in itself because anyone who knows me knows how irritating it is that, a) my phone is always on silent mode, and, b) I rarely answer numbers I don’t recognize. It was another doctor from Vanguard, calling to let me know that my C-T scan showed no evidence of kidney stones – “Yay!” BUT, he cut in, it did show acute appendicitis. What I needed to do, he said, was to go directly to the nearest ER. 

So here’s where this story really begins, because I was about to get a reality check regarding the difference between the inconveniences of “social distancing” and quite literally, matters of life and death. For those of us who are shuffling around at home in our sweatpants, eating too much, complaining about the buffoonery of our President, laughing at all the funny memes, and who are, to one degree or another, COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that health care workers do not have the luxury of ANY of that, here’s the newsflash: The Corona virus has virtually SHUT down normal operations for hospitals and surgical facilities, so if you’re also laughing in the face of social-distancing guidelines, and just can’t wrap your head around the possibility of contracting this deadly disease, know this too: If you break your arm, or your spouse has a heart attack, or your child’s strange rash won’t go away and you’re just really concerned, good luck. We are NOT in Kansas anymore, peeps. 

 I considered doing a bit of a negative a rant on the first hospital that I went to here, but perhaps that wouldn’t be fair. “The nearest ER” for me would have been another hospital, but due to their somewhat dubious reputation, we opted to go just a bit farther away. The best thing I can say about that experience was that the safety protocols to enter the ER were impressive. Picture the scene in E.T. where the Hazmat-suited guys from the space program find out about him and “invade” the house in a tunnel of white - then picture the people standing six feet apart outside of say, ShopRite, only these people don’t look so great. They’re kind of bent over, or swaying, or leaning on someone else. Then count your blessings that your gut hurts and you’re not bleeding out…or struggling to breathe. 

Three hours later, after they’d reviewed my scans and completed all of the necessary pre-op tests (blood work, EKG, urine analysis), I got the word that most of the ORs were being used as ICUs for COVID patients, and they were only doing “emergent” surgeries. They sent me home with massive doses of antibiotics, and a referral to see their staff general surgeon - outpatient. 

I figured they were right, too. Must not be very serious. I was doing well with that notion until the following morning, when I heard the barely concealed shock in the voice of my regular MD.  

“Did they see your scans?” his tone serving only to increase my anxiety. 

 “Yeah. But my appendix hasn’t exploded yet.” I said. 

 “Ah,” he sighed, “I know things are being handled differently in the ‘current environment,’ but last time I checked, acute appendicitis was emergent.” 

Okay, pay attention now, because here’s where it gets really interesting: See if you can answer his parting questions: 

 “Do you have a general surgeon? Preferably one with their own facility?” 

 So, do you? And if you do, are you sure they’re even open right now? I sure as hell didn’t (and the name they gave me at the hospital turned out to be for a doctor whose answering machine told me he was not seeing new patients). And the idea that it was now pretty much my problem to solve was a little intimidating – especially for someone who generally needs to be told that they’re sick (enough) or in (enough) pain to seek help—but that’s another story. Now that doctor, who I respect and like a lot, said he’d be trying to find me one, but that I should do my research as well. 

 My husband and I made a fairly long list of people/places to call, and split it. Those we were able to reach at all offered possible solutions to my dilemma, but each dead-ended pretty quickly. I focused on the task now, trying to ignore what it might mean that the ache in my belly seemed to be spreading down my right leg. 

As of this writing, I have yet to hear back from my regular GP and yet, here I sit, post-op, able to get this down mostly because of a Facebook message I sent to one of the nurses in the Belleville Public School district. The only real help I got came from her, a nurse, who responded immediately to an “in-boxed” message, and kept responding for the next hour, sending me the names and phone numbers of doctors (sometimes with their credentials!), links to possible facilities, and words of encouragement. She gave me her personal cell phone number and encouraged me to call it if I had questions and/or to let her know how it was going. I felt like she meant it, too. I also think she was responsible for the first in a series of serendipitous events that just may have saved my life. One of the names she gave me turned out to be the dad of one of my kid’s friends. 

 At that point, things happened pretty quickly. I called him (at home) and told him my situation. In a matter of 20 minutes, he had my scans and had booked  a time slot for me for same-day surgery at Clara Maass. He’s a high-energy, outgoing kind of guy, and although I’d stood on sidelines with him and his lovely wife at many a sports event, I don’t know him well enough, nor did I think it was appropriate to laugh out loud when he laid out the plan: “With everything going on, I just really want to do you – and get you the hell out of there!” 

So here I am, more grateful to him than I can possibly express and having some time to consider just how random and crazy and dangerous that whole situation was (turns out, my appendix had begun to perforate after all, and the real fun was just beginning) and how fortunate I am. 

 But the real heroes here - Oh, and God, aren’t we all a little sick of the “hero” thing? – well get over it, and listen up! From the minute I walked through the door of Clara Maass yesterday, my experience was the best it could possibly have been. The nurses! OMG the nurses - I was in pre-op for hours. Lucky as I was to have been squeezed in to an already crowded surgical schedule, the truth of the matter was that my presence had required a quick shifting of resources—stretchers and space and - nurses. My sudden appearance in the queue was inconvenient, possibly even annoying. And yet all of them, including the nurse who ran the OR, came by to check on me, to give me extra blankets, to chat with me, and laugh with me. A friend’s daughter-in-law, who is a nurse there, got a text from him and even she came from three floors below just to say hello and charm me with her Australian accent and tired-but-twinkling blue eyes. I swear, for me? The whole experience was a cross between a weirdly sterile spa stay, and – as mine all happened to be women - a girls’ sleepover with your best girlfriends—only these were women I'd just met (but they’d also pretty much seen me naked, so, there’s that…). 

Most of them were nearing the end of a 12-hour shift. As I lay there, relaxed and warm, reading and texting, they race-walked back and forth among those of us who waited, or were recovering. I lost count of how many times one of them asked me if I was okay, or if I needed something. They ate their dinners on the move, taking bites and then sprinting off, tearing off one set of gloves, putting on another. These people Do. Not. Sit. The sink was right near my bed, so I saw a lot of hand-washing traffic too, and a lot of red, chapped, over-sanitized hands. They spoke in soothing voices to those who were waiting, and possibly scared, and loud-enough voices for those emerging from the cloud of anesthesia to understand. Sometimes they shouted good-natured complaints to one another, or teased one another – and me, as when one started repacking those bags they give you for your clothes, amusement in her voice as she yelled, “What the hell did you do here, shove it all in like a little kid? Your purse is open – Maria, come over here and see this – she’s a mess!” Hahahaha! One came by and pointed to the cover of the book I was reading entitled “The Silent Patient”, and joked “That’s the kind we like!” 

I even began to wonder if what I was getting was “special treatment” reserved for those whose surgeries were personally called-in by the surgeon. Once he arrived, however, it was clear that not only did they not know he was the one who got me in, but they chided him in the same affectionate way. At a point, I said to one of them, “Doctors think they’re all that, but nurses really run the show don’t they?” She winked at me and elbowed me a little, “Like husbands, honey – they just think they’re in charge!” 

I lounged, for over four hours while they stood on what had to be tired feet, hands on hips as they talked to me, telling me which part of the hospital they’d spent the morning in, or where they were headed next in this crazy, all-hands-on-deck environment. We chatted about jobs and kids, and only when the topic of this deadly disease came up did the lack of words become conspicuous. Then it was all a mime of sad shakes of the head and downward glances. 

It occurs to me today that after all of this, I'm not sure I would recognize any of them tomorrow if I saw them on street – nor they me. Of course, we were all masked. But maybe I would – if I could see their eyes again. And I'm not exaggerating when I say that most of all, those eyes conveyed a profound kindness. And laughter, and concern, and compassion, and dedication—and a toughness that allows them to do it all. 

I'll tell you a secret: I am a person who often has a weird response to unexpected kindness - it makes me cry. I welled up more than once yesterday afternoon. I may have been just one of many for them – this is just what they do - but for me, a bond was made. I will always remember them. 

Make no mistake: it’s no hardship to be home in your sweatpants with your gel manicure looking a little ratchet, and your spouse and kids seeming more like houseguests who have overstayed their welcome. Today, I want you to feel really, really blessed and grateful, and if you’re like me, a generally healthy person who never really gave too much thought to the job that these people do, I hope I was able to convey just a little of it. 

That school nurse who rescued me put it this way: “I took an oath when I graduated just as physicians do. I have followed it for 28 years and it has never let me or my patients down.” That whole oath thing is good and important and all, but the heart behind it gives it grace. 

So, if you get an invitation to do one of those car processions where you beep your horn and cheer for the local health care workers as they go in to, or leave, work– get in your car and go. Or, just mail them each a check for a million dollars. Either way.

[movedto-insom-art]

hi!! i just found you while poking around for gobelins students on twitter and i love your art, congratulations on passing!! i was wondering if you have any advice on the written exam or tips on how to prepare for it? i heard that the written exam can be given in english if french isn't your first language...

I’ll try to be very concise about this andmaybe pin it to my profile because I was in your shoes exactly a year ago, andif I made it here I think you have a considerable chance of making it too as long as you’re willing to put work into it. I want totell you what I wish I had been told.

Disclaimer: I’m definitely not the best personto ask. I’m self-taught and my situation may and will differ a lot from yours,but on top of that, bear in mind Gobelins has a ~5% admission rate. During theinterview I shared room with a person who had a stunning portfolio and had been doing two years of prepclasses to get in Gobelins specifically and didn’t get in. I don’t even understand what brought me in, but I will try to at least give you a detailedguide of what *I* did to prepare.

Important: READ THE “MODALITÉSD'ADMISSION” DOCUMENT THREE TIMES AT LEAST. It has so much usefulinformation and so many points you can’t afford to skip. If your French isflaky, ask for a friend who speaks it fluently to help you out. You *must*understand it fully if you want to get in and avoid needless calls to theschool.

Also, keep an eye on the website often. Allthe information I provide here vis a vis dates only applies to a time periodthat’s already gone and I can’t predict if the dates will be exactly the sameevery year, so double check for yourself!

French

If you don’t speak French now start asap, anddo your Duolingo and “Apprendre le Français avec TVMonde” exercisesevery day. The lessons for the 4-year program are in French and while they canbe understanding with foreigners I just strongly recommend for the sake ofcommon sense that you pick up the language, just to make the most of the chanceif you’re given it.

However, you can def do the written exam in English! The exam will be printed and handed to you in both languages, it’s not so much a test to see your writing skills (ironically) than it is to prove your drawing ones.

If you pass that first round, while they won’t require any certification, they *will* test how good you are understanding and responding in French during the interview process of the second round.

I also recommend you take special conversational classeswith a private teacher or with a French speaker the couple of weeks before theoral exam to really gain fluidity, it makes a difference.

Mental Health

Preparing for all this will be sustainedstress over a long period of time. While it’ll be intensive and will demand alot of you, bear in mind that a mentality of “every minute I spend notworking on this is a minute lost” is only going to harm you. It’s alrightto take breaks, have a social life, and space for leisure while you do prepwork. It’s alright to not be drawing every single hour and rest your mind soyou can go back to work with all your might.

Try to be demanding and to pushyourself out of your comfort zone, but do it at your own pace and alwaysleaving space for breaks and stuff that will take your mind away from it whenyou need to, like friends, videogames, or just drawing for fun. A healthy business to leisure ratio is always between ½ and 2/3.

Meditate if you can, too, just 10-15 minutesevery day. I recommend the Headspace app and it has helped me keep my coolduring really tense moments.

Open Days

Go to the open days at Gobelins in January ifyou can! I took a plane for the weekend just to go, it was expensive but Ireally, really do not regret it. Here’s why:

DONOT MISS THE FIRST DAY. They hold portfolio reviews and while you may not haveyours ready just yet, it’s the perfect chance to get an insider point of viewof how well you’re doing right now and how far from your goal you are. Make aprovisional one (or do like I did and just make a tumblr blog and throw inwhatever you’d want them to assess) and arrive early to ask for a spot at thequeue.

Youget to talk to other first-year students, who will showcase their portfolio andanswer all your questions about the admission process, the school and whateverother questions you may have.

Youget to attend conferences where they explain each of their programs in detail,and the head of the department will also answer all yourquestions.

Admissions usually open right in the middle of the open days. By all means grab a seat at the computer room and save yourself a spot in the exam process asap.

Also,if you’re a foreigner like me, you should totally go to the international classand see if you can spot somebody from your same country (or who at least speaksyour language) to hang out with for a bit.

Site note: That international class is adirect entry to 3rd year specifically for English-speaking students who alreadyhave animation experience. I didn’t apply for that so I can’t tell you muchabout it, but it’s definitely worth checking out if you want in, they say it’seasier than the main track, too.

Preparing for the written exams

First off, draw every day. Even if it’s notprep work or studies all the time, you can indulge in your OCs, OTPs, whatevermakes your heart race, but draw it and do it every day. It doesn’t have to beideal or finished either, but what really matters is that you get used todrawing a lot and make a habit of it. Quantity, consistency and speed areimportant skills for animators to have as I’ve been told and they will be looking for it since one of the parts of the inteview includes evaluating how much paper you’ve filled in a year.

Grab all the exams you can get a hold of fromthe Gobelins site and do them in the specified time (they’re on the Concepteuret Realisateur de Film d'Animation class page). When you’re done with that do themagain. Ask for feedback from your teachers and improve on them. Take aperspective book (I recommend “Perspective for Comic Artists”), take a gesturedrawing book (“The Vilppu Drawing Manual” or “Gesture drawingfor animation”), take a storyboarding and character design class (I tookSchoolism’s, which are 15$/month per class, it’s very affordable) and that’llgive you a good frame of reference. And when you’re done with the exams andknow them by heart, make your own exercises. Then do the exams again. Andalways ask for feedback, critique to train yourself against every weak pointthat you don’t want the jury to catch you doing when you do the actual exam.

Sign up for figure drawing class right now,with or without teacher (I signed up to an art club without one), the soonerthe better, and go there frequently, once or twice per week, to the short posessessions (up to 15 minutes per pose, 2 to 5 minutes would be ideal). Don’tbother doing portraits or long poses because again, what you want is to producea lot, fast. Put a lot of focus on gesture drawing, movement and speed. It’llnot only be a big chunk of your portfolio if you do pass the first round, butit hones your draftsmanship like no other exercise. You can additionally trainat home with websites like QuickPoses or the New Masters Academy figure drawingvideos, but I’d really want to stress that live models work so much bettersince they force you to interpret a 3D person.

Go to your local zoo as well, once a week oronce a fortnight, and do animal studies. If you can bring a friend it’ll help alot making it more fun but try to get used to drawing shapes that are nothuman. Understand their anatomy and try to apply what you’re learning aboutgesture from the figure drawing classes.

Draw in the street, in museums, go to a placethat inspires you or that you find curious and draw it. Draw the people topractice your characterization and caricature skills. Draw buildings to showyour perspective skills. And just whatever catches your eye. Environments and perspective are important and I strongly recommend you start by drawing from observation.

If you have a cool idea in mind or find agood exercise on tumblr to try that isn’t this, do it! The teachers appreciateinterest in several fields and if you can showcase that you’re a curiousstudent with plenty of interests they’ll consider you more seriously. I didconcept art and digital painting on the side and it ended up being a mainthing of my personal project.

And finally, go to @gobelins andraid it for advice, it’s a great point of reference to start with as well. Goto the current @crfa20 and past CRFA blogs to see what the students are up to if youwant inspo and check their profiles too.

Do this for the whole year.

Admissions open inJanuary and the earlier you can sign in the better (especially if you are aforeigner like me, you must get the equivalence with French studies recognizedofficially asap, it usually takes a while to get and it’s necessary).

On a side note, for the written exam, simplifyyour tools. You don’t have much time to elaborate or fix your mistakes so Iwould recommend you do your practice with pens (so you get used to not erasinglines and being confident with your strokes) and pencils (especially if you canget both regular, mechanical and color pencils to layer your drawings forcomplex exercises like perspective). During the exam don’t even think aboutbringing pens in case you do make mistakes you need to erase though, they arejust really good training.

Side note: if you can, all this while, make space for personal projects.Nothing that you must finish, but just produce a lot of your own content. Pick apodcast and do visual development for it, do fanart, iterate on a movie’s shots, developyour own stories through visual storytelling, do character design, storyboards,comics. Steal ideas if you must to get the creative juices flowing (but don’tpost it or pretend they are your own :V). Get acquainted with projects, explore a fewideas so that the moment you’re out of the exam room when you’re done with thewritten exam you not only have a deck of projects to choose from but are alsoacquainted with the process of carrying one forward (and also have a littlework already done).

Preparing for the oral exam

The oral exam consists of 3 parts.

A first part in which you’re not present, andthe jury will judge your portfolio, sketchbooks and demo reel without you for 30 minutes.

A second part, where you must introduce thejury to an original personal project of your own made for the admissionprocess, and defend it (in French).

A third part, where the jury will just ask youquestions (they’re usually very friendly) and judge your viability as a futureclassmate. Just be yourself!

The portfolio should just have your best, besweet, short and to the point. There is a limit of 40 pages including coversand the personal project so choose your best pieces from between your projectsand your practice. It should also cover three main points

Your skillset, which should be covered byyour studies, schoolwork, observation work and partly (but not mainly) the rest of your artwork.

Your capacity for creation and personal vision(aka what your interests are as an artist), which should be covered by the restof your artwork and other projects of your own.

Your capacity to convey and develop ideas, messages andstories through visual narration, which should be your main, personal project.

I recommend you throw in both sketches andunfinished stuff along with your most detailed and refined pieces so the jurycan have a good idea of your process, your way of solving problems and how faryour skills go. Storyboards, animatics and comics will always be a positivesince you’re aiming to study a medium that is sequential.

Also, if you can, pick other students’ portfolios for reference. They don’t need to be Gobelins or even students though, if you find a good philosophy to build your portfolio around, by all means go for it. It’ll give you a good idea of what needs to be there and what can be left out.

Lastly, while they stress that you *don’t* need toknow animation to get in since that’s what you’re applying to, you can bring ina 2-minute demo reel. I made mine with an animatic and a few animationexercises on my own, but I want to repeat what they told me, the intentionisn’t to show how good you are at it already (then what can they teach you?)but to show that you’re interested in the medium and are eager to learn.

Final note

You’re applying for an animation school, keepthat in mind always. An animator is not an illustrator or a concept artist(even if they can easily become one), and what sets them apart in my opinion is the focus on speed, gesture, quantity, and most importantly, making drawings that feel alive andthat tell something. Understand the craft, ask other animators, read books onanimation, anything you can get your hands on will help.

One of the points that I feel are the mostimportant about all this is included in the Modalités d'Admission text, whichsays that they look into a quality that would literally translate to “opennessof spirit”. I think that speaks for how open minded you are to new ideas,to working with others, to learning and to considering new points of view.

Again I don’t have all the answers, but if youare “open of spirit” and really make an effort to dive into theanimation world, look for resources and friends in this world I’m certainyou’ll find them.

[carey-pricemas]

Updated Queue!

Ok guys so I owe you all an apology! I have been so off with my updating lately and I am SO sorry about that! I will be caught up by Friday, I promise. That said I will point out one thing that changed with the queue. I had a Connor Brown playoff beard imagine for both today and 6/8, but I only had one request for it. That said, I opted to leave it on the 8th, so I could catch up. The requester understands so I hope you guys do too! It’ll also break the Connor Brown up so it’s spread out and not all in a week XD

Thanks you guys for understanding. I promise I’ll get back on track. Love you guys! Enjoy the queue!

Today- Tyler Seguin- smut 

                Carter Hart- tries cheesy pickup lines

Thursday 6/1- William Nylander- I love you while drunk

                JJ Piccinich- last home game win fluff/smut

                Alex Wennberg- plane crash

Friday 6/2- Jakub Vrana- fluffy free reign

              Downtown Connor Brown- meet and greet and surprised you like him

              Jonathan Toews- smut

              Matthew Tkachuk- you have a stutter

Saturday 6/3- Freddie Andersen- playoffs

             Andre Burakovsky- 21st bday jealousy fluff/smut

            Connor Murphy- talking about the future

Sunday 6/4- Matthew Tkachuk- falls asleep with baby bro fluff

              Morgan Rielly- smut being caught

              Alex Nylander- friend breakup worries

Monday 6/5- Sidney Crosby- teen son from previous relationship

              William Nylander- doesn’t know you’re a virgin

              Jimmy Vesey- friends set you up

Tuesday 6/6- Jakob Forsbacka Karlsson- fluff free reign

              Chris Kreider- smut

              Mitch Marner- insecure about love

Wednesday 6/7- Auston Matthews- grumpy after playing the Stars

              Freddie Andersen- smut

              William Nylander- playoff beard

Thursday 6/8- Downtown Connor Brown- playoff beard

              Alex Wennberg- super smutty XD

              Jordie Benn- expecting first child

Friday 6/9- Charlie McAvoy- free reign

              Morgan Rielly- smut

              Sebastian Aho- team finds out about you through Instagram

Saturday 6/10- Brady Skjei- makes her sing for him

              Martin Jones- free rein

              Alex Wennberg- nervous about telling him youre pregnant

Sunday 6/11- Brendan Gallagher- wearing a Chucky jersey

              Connor McDavid- Family is Sabres fans

              Tom Wilson- The first time again part 2

Monday 6/12- Matt Martin- jealous

              Kasperi Kapanen- celebration smut

              Auston Matthews- jealous of basketball team

Tuesday 6/13- Jakob Chychrun- boys and girls club

              Kasperi Kapanen- smut someone overhears you

              Martin Jones/Sidney Crosby- Skin by Rihanna

Wednesday 6/14- Derick Brassard- pregnant during playoffs

              Brendan Gallagher- calm down (wink wink) during playoffs XD

              Any Rangers player- John Green quote

Thursday 6/15- Andre Burakovsky- friends with Patrick Kane

              Andre Burakovsky- protective from man in bar (no one knows)

              Morgan Rielly- large age gap

Friday 6/16- AJ Greer- Beach volleyball for team Canada

              Colton Parayko- doesn’t know you speak English

              Mitch Marner- Sees self harm scars

Saturday 6/17- Auston Matthews- both busy but make it to sons game

              Auston Matthews- smut doesn’t like Dylan

             Carter Hart- A million reasons by Lady Gaga

Sunday 6/18- Mikkeal Boedker- run into each other at grocery store

              Alex Galchenyuk- smut same circles but never met

              Jeff Skinner/Justin Faulk- harassed/assaulted and they save you

Monday 6/19- Connor McDavid/Mitch Marner- Late Late show about song

              Austin Matthews- jealousy birthday smut

              Any Caps player- political law firm but then player gets traded

Tuesday 6/20- Zach Hyman- proposes through book

              Brady Skjei- celebration smut

              Matthew Tkachuk- Secret Love song by Little Mix

Wednesday 6/21- Mitch Marner- messes up Valentines day

              William Nylander- car smut

              Any player- your teenage son is gay and introducing you to first boyfriend

Thursday 6/22- Jacob Trouba- Part 2 of Walk in the Park

              Andre Burakovsky- broke up and reunited at Casino night smut

              Auston Matthews- African dancer and he gets jealous

Friday 6/23- Kasperi Kapanen- tutoring him in college

              Morgan Rielly- fluffy/smutty

              Auston Matthews- teammate finds sex toys (ropes)

Saturday 6/24- Morgan Rielly- one of the guys Morgan’s overprotective and jealous

              Artemi Panarin- tired of being called cute smut

              Morgan Rielly- escape Leafs event and find each other

Sunday 6/25- Dmytro Timashov- watch scary movies

              Artemi Panarin- love the sounds  you make smut

              Alex Galchenyuk- Chasing Ghosts by Against the Current

Monday 6/26- Morgan Rielly- fluffy/smutty

              William Nylander- first time smut

              Sidney Crosby- damsel in distress

Tuesday 6/27- Taylor Hall- transition from Edmonton to NJ

              Rasmus Ristolainen- fluff

              Auston Matthews- yeast infection and dr visit

Wednesday 6/28- Problematic Leon Draisaitl- getting ejected during A PLAYOFF GAME

              Oliver Ekman-Larsson- love at first sight

              Alec Martinez- Cinco de Mayo festivities

Thursday 6/29- Auston Matthews- tired and clingy

              Jordie Benn- wants to be a family with you and daughter

              Auston Matthews- jealous of Laine

Friday 6/30- Auston Matthews- bad day brings food (my kind of man)

              William Nylander- snaps boredom Willy takes to fair

              Johnny Gaudreau- cheer him up after getting swept

Saturday 7/1- Jo Drouin- sitting front row at a game

              Brandon Montour- get into a fight

              Filip Forsberg- free reign

Sunday 7/2- Auston Matthews/Sidney Crosby- autoimmune disease

              Steven Stamkos- free reign

              Brenden Dillon/Timo Meier- free reign

Monday 7/3- Jakob Silfverberg- for noranihilia

              Aaron Ekblad- free reign

              Filip Forsberg- free reign

Tuesday 7/4- Brent Burns- free reign

              Roman Josi- free reign

              Martin Jones- free reign

Wednesday 7/5- Chris Tierney- free reign

              Nikita Kucherov- free reign

              Mikael Granlund- cute/fluffy

Thursday 7/6- Jonathan Marchessault- free reign

              Nino Niederreiter- free reign

              Morgan Rielly- avoid feelings talk and he thinks you don’t like him

Friday 7/7- Charlie Coyle- Lipstick part two

              Brendan Gallagher- angry/hate each other smut

              Auston Matthews- you do his makeup and Mitch puts it on Instagram

Saturday 7/8- Auston Matthews- you’re sick and he and Mitch take care of you and your kid

              William Nylander- wearing something that turns him on unknowingly

              Pekka Rine- celebrate sweeping Hawks

Sunday 7/9- William Nylander- free reign about butt and thighs

              Auston Matthews- meeting friend who doesn’t like the Leafs

              Sidney Crosby- wakes up and mutters I love you a lot

Monday 7/10- Artemi Panarin- free reign

              Morgan Rielly- part of the group but he likes you but just friends

              Colton Parayko- bffs and in car accident and he tells you feelings

Tuesday 7/11- William Nylander- same height insecurities

              Ben Hutton- fluffy smut

              Mitch Marner- gf has chronic migraines

Wednesday 7/12- Alex Nylander- faking hickies prank

              Tyler Seguin- Company by Justin Bieber

              Auston Matthews- Gaston song with his name and he loves it (in secret)

Thursday 7/13- Sean Monahan- after wrist surgery

              Morgan Rielly- fluffy/funny butt touching

              Mats Zuccarello- free reign

Friday 7/14- Auston Matthews- Toronto Furies, play Aus to see who better player is

              Jakub Vrana- part two of Doughnuts

              Mitch Marner- making fun of passion over el clasico

Saturday 7/15- Charlie McAvoy- free reign

              Alex Galchenyuk- smut

              Sam Reinhart- season ticket holder, sees you at the game

Sunday 7/16- Morgan Rielly- after getting knocked out of the playoffs

              William Nylander- happy with himself after seeing scratches

              Mikael Granlund- gives goal pucks to his son

Monday 7/17- Morgan Rielly- They Don’t Know about Us by One Direction

              William Nylander- sees bruises after sex (non-smut) and he feels guilty

              Jamie Oleksiak- taking son to meet the team

Tuesday 7/18- Andre Burakovsky- meets at a charity event, sees again later when he has a gf (probably also a multiparter

              Leon Draisaitl- dominant hot smut

              William Karlsson- ILYSB by LANY

Wednesday 7/19- Nazem Kadri- hit on Ovi

              Leon Draisaitl- smut after finishing exams/graduation

              Auston Matthews- trying to turn him on in an elevator with teammates smut

Thursday 7/20- Auston Matthews- getting knocked out of playoffs and shutting you out so he doesn’t take anger/sadness/frustration out on you

              Michael Latta- Smut hot when he fights

              Jonathan Toews- sequel to I’ll say yes for toews19

Friday 7/21- Andre Burakovsky- sleeping and he steals the sheets

              Auston Matthews- argues about dishes

              Andre Burakovsky- surprising you at graduation

Saturday 7/22- William Nylander- sleeping and someone posts a picture

              Michael Latta- smut angry after game and takes it out on you

              Tom Wilson- club and Tom gets jealous, heated

Sunday 7/23- Adam McQuaid- overprotective of gay son

              Zach Fucale- smut after not seeing each other for awhile and she wears his jersey for first time

              Milan Lucic- visiting with Bruins over the summer

Monday 7/24- Auston Matthews- thinks shes cheating and comes after her after fight

              Auston Matthews- riding his thighs dirty

              Auston/Willy/Mo/Freddie/Kappy choice- insecure about height/speaking Spanish/ Take on the World by You Me at Six, or Speakers by Sam Hunt

Tuesday 7/25- Adrian Kempe- Somebody Else part two

              Claude Giroux/any Flyers player- partying with team and blurts feelings while tipsy

              William Nylander- reader talks Swedish and Willy loves it (heated)

Wednesday 7/26- Auston Matthews- friend but he wants more but you’re unsure of his reputation

              Tyler Seguin- nsfw sumt

              Dylan Strome- Dive by Ed Sheeran

Thursday 7/27- Sebastian Aho- free reign

              Tyler Seguin- based off his IG “love me” trying to get your attention

              Mikael Granlund- he thinks you’re dating him for his money

Friday 7/28- Tyler Seguin- part 2 of Orders

              Alex Nylander- smut

              Tyler Seguin- friends dancing and he flirty teases you

Saturday 7/29- Jakob Chychrun- teaching kids to skate

              Auston Matthews- smut based off of Fire and Desire by Drake

              Connor McDavid- AHL ex who won’t stop bothering you

Sunday 7/30- Brendan Gallagher- meeting family for the first time

              Dylan McIlrath- free reign fluff/steam

              Auston Matthews- muscular and self conscious about it

Monday 7/31- Auston Matthews- field hockey player stages of relationship

              Dylan Strome- congratulate him after winning Western Conference

              Sam Reinhart- You’re Here part two

Tuesday 8/1- Auston Matthews- act like they hate each other, but really in love

              Auston Matthews/Morgan Rielly (probably Mo)- scavenger hunt fluff/steam

              Colton Parayko- smut comforting

Wednesday 8/2- Morgan Rielly- trying to get him to unwind after game by being a distraction

              William Nylander- long lost buddies and run into each other while out with team

              Mitch Marner- dark; abuse, cutting, mental health problems

Thursday 8/3- Auston Matthews- convinces him to go to country music festival

              David Pastrnak- cute and fluffy

              Alex Nylander- cute/fluffy about hair/haircut

Friday 8/4- Auston Matthews- taking care of sick girlfriend

              Charlie McAvoy- cute/fluffy

              Jeff Skinner- comforting about self harm scars

Saturday 8/5- Mitch Marner/Willy Nylander- fight and admit they like each other cute or smut

              Morgan Rielly- Leafs event with Mo and meet team for the first time

              Alex Nylander- morning smut

Sunday 8/6- Sidney Crosby- have twins

              Alex Nylander- about being a bad cook

              Auston Matthews- in his POV; reader stressed and cuddles

Monday 8/7- Noah Hanifin- Just a Friend part two

              Charlie McAvoy- smut

              Auston Matthews- stressing over testing

Tuesday 8/8- Mitch Marner- reader speaks German

              Charlie McAvoy- smut

              Morgan Rielly/JVR/Gabe Landeskog- Say you won’t let go by James Arthur

Wednesday 8/9- Casey Cizikas- making fun of each other over concussions

              Ben Hutton- smut

              David Pastrnak- Disneyland tickets/fluff

Thursday 8/10- Sebastian Aho- Teaches the reader Finnish

              Auston Matthews- smut after surgery he worries he’s going to hurt her

              Michael Latta- babysitting his niece and calls you to come help/Latts insta with the baby

Friday 8/11- Lawson Crouse- fluffy free reign

                 Nico Hischier- smut

                 Jesse Puljujarvi- cute/fluffy free reign

Saturday 8/12- Elias Lindholm- childhood friends meet each other when older

              Mikael Granlund- teasing him with team smut

              Nico Hischier- meet at draft and show him around the city

Sunday 8/13- Andre Burakovsky- She’s Not Me by Zara Larsson

              Roope Hint- FWB smut

              Connor McDavid- Slow Hands by Niall Horan

Monday 8/14- Leon Draisaitl- tries to give you a perfect birthday, but messes it up

              Sebastian Aho- sweet first time smut

              Matt Martin- come home wanting quiet and he’s playing COD with boys

Tuesday- 8/15- Auston Matthews- friends since childhood start dating

              Nico Hischier- depression, but he comforts her

              Carter Hart- concussion and taking pain killers, makes him loopy

Wednesday- 8/16- Tyler Seguin- calls mom to ask for ring, but mom thinks its another prank

              Morgan Rielly- surprising you at your graduation

              David Pastrnak- reader gets wisdom teeth out and recovery

Thursday 8/17- Auston Matthews- Fire and Desire by Drake

              Tom Wilson- Trainer for Caps smut

Friday 8/18- Alex Nylander- baby and baby names

              Sidney Crosby- smut

              Auston Matthews- reader is ace

Saturday 8/19- Alex Nylander- introduced to parents but mom doesn’t like her

              Artemi Panarin- fight and makeup smut

              Auston Matthews- coming home giggly drunk

Sunday 8/20- Mitch Marner- parents are getting married and siblings

              Nico Hischier- high school AU

              Beau Bennett- drunk hook up, bond next morning

Monday 8/21- Sidney Crosby- son from other relationship and first Mother’s Day

              Morgan Rielly- clubbing and see him after breaking up

              Timo Meier- free reign

Tuesday 8/22- Tyler Seguin- Ben Bishop’s best friend meet through him

              Willy/Alex Nylander- problems with self harming

              Dmytro Timashov- cooking/cleaning when stressed Dmytro doesn’t know why

Wednesday 8/23- Colton Parayko- honored for military service at game

              Sebastian Aho- friends teasing about you and Aho in bed

              Auston Matthews- they surprise you for Mother’s day

Thursday 8/24- Morgan Rielly- wear black and boys tease about being too badass for Mo

              Jesse Puljujarvi- soft smut

              Alexander Wennberg- Slow Hands by Niall Horan

Friday 8/25- Leon Draisaitl- can’t sleep, helps you fall asleep

                Andre Burakovsky- shower smut

                Dylan Strome- has crush on you but you aren’t interested

Saturday 8/26- Andre Burakovsky- Finnish rap music and chirping

              Kasperi Kapanen- girlfriend is a soccer player

              Alex Nylander- first sleepover and seeing her dressed down and no makeup

Sunday 8/27- Colton Parayko- work for the Blues and Hutton catches you kissing

              Sidney Crosby- Small Bump by Ed Sheeran

              Alex Nylander- comes to your dance competition

Monday 8/28- Geno Malkin- go on a cruise and he takes care of you after you get sun poisoning

              Connor McDavid- takes care of you while you’re drunk/hungover

              Tom Wilson- someone insults her and he defends you

Tuesday 8/29- William Nylander- makes banana pancakes

              Mitch Marner- Canada playing home country and Canada wins and y/n is mad

              Carter Hart- snuggling and listening to the rain

Wednesday 8/30- Auston Matthews- bring child to family skate/practice

                  Jake Virtanen- vacation in a cabin first time smut

                 Zach Werenski- takes puck to face and bummed but he gets to spend more time with you

Thursday 8/31- William Nylander- cute ringtone for gf and boys tease and possible proposal

              TJ Oshie- takes you home from club smut

              Auston Matthews- you have a bf and he seduces you to cheat

Friday 9/1- Mitch Marner- chipped tooth vs Finland

              Leon Draisaitl- smut

              Brayden Schenn- free reign

Saturday 9/2- Willy Nylander- active about Bell Let’s Talk cause you struggle with mental illness

              Auston Matthews- before game smut

              Willy/Auston/Freddie/Mitch- short and nerdy

Sunday 9/3- Brady Skjei- BFFs and secretly in love with one another and you confess

              Auston Matthews smut- friend of WAG and  hookup after game then he asks you out

              Auston Matthews- buy a puppy together

Monday 9/4- Jordie Benn- dating but kept quiet cause shes shy, but he lets it out

              Brayden Point- dirty smut

              Carey Price- Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift

Tuesday 9/5- Auston Matthews- bff and comforts you after a guy wants to use you as rebound

              Sidney Crosby- smut

              Morgan Rielly- son’s draft day

Wednesday 9/6- Jesse Puljujarvi- Eyes Closed- Halsey

              Cliff Pu- meet on vacation and lose touch but moves to Canada for school

              Teuvo Teravainen- Supersankari by Laura Närhi

Thursday 9/7- Sebastian Aho- nopsajalka by lupaan olla

           Tom Kuhnhackl- takes her to Germany to meet family

           Marco Scandella- getting divorced, but Marco convinces her to give him second chance

Friday 9/8- William Nylander- celebrating making semi-finals

           Auston Matthews- listening to music and dancing surprise smut

           William Karlsson- fluffy free reign

Saturday 9/9- Anders Lee- free reign

           Auston Matthews- mom doesn’t like you and speaks to him in Spanish, but you are fluent in it

           William Nylander- So Wrong part two

Sunday 9/10- Sebastian Aho- proposing

           Nick Schmaltz- smut

           William Nylander- high school AU king and queen at dance

Monday 9/11- Sidney Crosby- wedding day fluff

           Connor Brown- smut

           Alex Nylander- watching Willy play in the Worlds and spending time with his fam

Tuesday 9/12- Auston Matthews- Worried his teammates don’t take you serious because you’re younger than him and in college

           Trevor van Riemsdyk- gets jealous over teammate talking to you at club smut

           Leon Draisaitl- with kids or pregnant gf/wife

Wednesday 9/13- Phil Kessel- pregnancy or children fluff

           Auston Matthews- Because You’re Mine by Kitty Kallen

           William Nylander- y/n leaf interviewer and Willy flirts with you

Thursday 9/14- Mitch Marner- gf plays hockey and gets in a fight and he’s worried/thinks its badass

           Pekka Rinne- work with charity but first time meeting team as his GF at a game

[itendswhereitallbegan]

The biggest question on most prospective applicants minds is: which college should I apply to? There is no correct answer to this question and there is no point trying to “beat the system” by applying to what you think is a less popular college (more tips on how to choose an Oxford college here). Christ Church is one of the most famous (and definitely most touristy) colleges at Oxford but I’m guessing most people don’t know much about it apart from the fact that it’s the “Harry Potter” college. After four lovely years at Christ Church, I thought I’d share some of the other perks of attending this college that you won’t find out until you get here.

Free Cake

I thought I’d start with the most important. When I arrived at Christ Church we used to receive a free cake every term. That’s three free cakes a year. Unfortunately, it has now been reduced to one free cake per year but free cake is still free cake so you can’t complain really. All you have to do is email the cake rep with your choice of cake (yes, we have a cake rep) and within a week your selected cake will appear in your pigeon hole. Magic.

Free Bops*

Ok so this is sort of a lie because since a certain newsworthy incident involving a flamethrower a couple of years ago, Christ Church bops are no longer completely free for students. There is now a charge of £1 for 3 drinks at bops but that’s hardly going to break the bank. Plus, knowing just how much vodka goes into each and every one of those drinks (about 80% vodka, 20% mixer), you can’t complain. It’s completely and utterly disgusting but you’ll grow to love it if you end up at Oxford.

*Bops are fancy dress parties that occur twice a term at Christ Church. They’re a large part of life at Oxford University and every college will hold their own throughout the term.  

A Beautiful (and Enormous) Library

One of my absolute favourite parts of Christ Church is the library. The building is absolutely gigantic and it’s full of books both old and new. On the lower levels you’ll find the East and the West Wing, one of which has a dark, traditional feel whilst the other is white, bright and airy. Upstairs you’ll find ancient books dating back centuries. You’re not allowed to access these books without special permission and if you step an inch too close to them you’ll set an alarm off. The upper floor isn’t used much but when you’re in your final year, you can go up there to study in the peace and quiet.

The library is both large and well stocked. For some subjects, such as Classics, you’ll rarely have to leave ChCh library to find the books you need for your essays. For others, you may have to find some at your faculty libraries but a large number will be at Christ Church. What’s great is that as of last year, they’ve also started stocking up on lots of the latest fiction reads so you’ll find all the nominees for the Man Booker prize, Bailey’s Prize etc. on the shelves too! Most colleges don’t have a general fiction section so this is really cool.

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Dine in the Harry Potter Hall EVERY Night

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll probably know that one of my main reasons for applying to Christ Church is that numerous Harry Potter film scenes were shot here. I am a HUGE Potter fan so I have no shame in admitting this. One of the most magical parts of going to Christ Church is that every evening you climb the steps (used in the Harry Potter films) to get to the Hall (which the Great Hall is modelled on). I basically spent the four years of my degree pretending that I was a Hogwarts student and I loved every second of it.

Fun story: To celebrate Halloween in 2016, Christ Church hosted a Harry Potter dinner for charity. We all dressed up as witches and wizards and the hall was decorated to be more festive. Dumbledore gave us the welcome speech before we began the feast and at the end, Quirrel ran in screaming “Troll in the Dungeon”. Hands down one of my favourite ChCh memories EVER.

Read about all the different Harry Potter locations at Oxford University here.

Cheap Food

Ok so the food at Christ Church is nothing to shout about. I’d say the quality of food is definitely something that Christ Church could improve on in comparison to other colleges, but they more than make up for this with super low, student-friendly prices. Once you’re on the meal plan, you’re signed up for a three course dinner each evening for only £146 per term. With 8 week terms, that works out at roughly £2.50 per meal. That’s right, £2.50 for a three course meal. In the Harry Potter Hall. Every night.

Peck Sets

A huge perk of attending Christ Church is that you’re guaranteed accommodation for all three or four years of your degree. During that time, the option of living in a “Peck Set” is made available to you if you’re lucky enough to rank highly in the room ballot. Unfortunately, I was not. I was placed at number 82. Fortunately, one of my best friends was ranked number 6 in the ballot and he pulled me up the ballot, landing us both one of the best Peck Sets in college. A Peck Set consists of three rooms: one living room and two bedrooms. The bedrooms contain a sink, a bed, a wardrobe etc. and in the living room there are at least two large sofas, two large desks and a fridge.

The great thing about Peck Sets is that each and every one is slightly different. Some still have dark mahogany walls, others have been painted white. Some have old fireplaces, large bookshelves, decorative mirrors and more. My Peck Set was definitely the grandest accommodation I’ll ever live in in my life and as all students at Christ Church pay the same amount for accommodation no matter which block you get put in, it’s a real bargain!

If you look at the picture below, our room can be found behind the two long windows on the far left. Our room was straight opposite the library which is a blessing at Christ Church because the library is so god damn beautiful.

Generous Grants

Whilst many applicants who come from poorer backgrounds are put off applying to the grander, richer colleges because they assume they’re full of “posh” people, what they often don’t realise is that these are the colleges with the most resources and grants to help people. Christ Church has many generous grants and also offers rewards based on great exam results. There are travel grants, sports grants, yearly bonuses for scholars and more. Being a literature student, my favourite has to be the book grant which gives you £240 to spend during your time at university.

It’s also worth noting that a new initiative has just come into place at Christ Church as they try to broaden diversity at the college. Four new scholarships have just been announced to help those from disadvantaged backgrounds as well as summer bursaries to help these children carry out internships. There will also be new subsidies for accommodation and food, making living at Christ Church (which is already cheaper than at many other colleges), even cheaper. Find out more about these initiatives here.

Beautiful grounds

Christ Church has some magnificent architecture but what is possibly even more lovely are the Meadows just outside and the Masters Gardens inside. The Meadows will lead you down to the boathouses and the river where rowing competitions occur or you can do a lap round the whole thing and end up back at Christ Church. When you’re walking around the Meadows it’s easy to forget that you’re in the middle of a city so it’s lovely to have this peaceful haven right outside your door!

There are also a number of smaller gardens inside Christ Church which are open to the students during the summer. Here, you can play croquet with your friends, kick a ball around, read a book, sunbathe – it’s like your own personal (and very beautiful) park.

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Location

Christ Church is located very centrally in Oxford and it’s proximity to Tesco, Pret, itsu, Jericho Coffee Traders etc. is worth noting. My boyfriend went to LMH which is notorious (alongside St Hugh’s) for being incredibly far out of the centre (in Oxford terms that’s still only a 25 minute walk!), and I can’t even begin to explain how frustrating it is when you want to dash to the shops or when you’re coming home from the club at 3am. Oxford is a walking city so I’d highly recommend picking a college that is fairly central so you can get everywhere quickly and easily.

Pizza Artisan 

An artisan pizza van, suitably named, Pizza Artisan, stops outside Christ Church every. single. evening. It’s genuinely the best pizza in town and the hour long queues are all the proof you need. These pizzas are hand made and cooked in the van so it’s always fresh and hot when it gets to you. There are loads of different options available and it caters for vegetarians and vegans too!

Side note: there’s also a kebab van for when you get back to college after Parkend at 3am.

So there you have it, 10 good reasons to apply to Christ Church, Oxford. I could make an even longer list but I think I’ve already written quite enough! A couple of other ChCh highlights include: the pet tortoise, the Dean’s dog, the best Oxford balls and the best guest dinners. I absolutely loved my time at Christ Church and would highly recommend applying but at the end of the day college choice is a very personal thing. Check out this post for more tips on how to choose the best college for you. As always, if you have any questions about Christ Church or life at Oxford University, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

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Find out more about Christ Church on the website here.

For more posts about my time at Oxford University, check out the following:

8 Do’s and Dont’s When Choosing an Oxford College

How Many Books Did I Read For My French Degree At Oxford University?

What is it like to study French at Oxford University?

The Harry Potter Tour of Oxford University

3 TV Shows To Prepare You For Life at Oxford University

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10 REASONS TO APPLY TO CHRIST CHURCH, OXFORD UNIVERSITY The biggest question on most prospective applicants minds is: which college should I apply to? There is no correct answer to this question and there is no point trying to "beat the system" by applying to what you think is a less popular college (more tips on how to choose an Oxford college…